
A Wanderer's Anthem
Welcome to the Wanderer's Anthem.
A place of voice, of written art, of musings and meanderings that come out of the heart's desire to explore and express.
What you read here are lyrics to songs that exist unwritten in my head, so tread carefully.
And know, at the end of the day, this is really just a couple old men staring out the window as their lost youth wanders by.
Enojy.
A Wanderer's Anthem
The smoke rises high, as memories fade,
I'm on a one-way journey, mistakes unmade.
The blues, they haunt me, like a ghost in the dark,
Regret's the shadow, that follows my heart.
The stars above, they witness my escape,
A troubadour's journey, a twist of fate.
I've left behind the echoes of love and pain,
Burning bridges in the pouring rain.
Watching the road under the moon's soft glow,
A wanderer's anthem, a tale of woe.
Today
I didn’t shave today
Don’t know why that’s relevant,
Or why you need to know
(As if it wasn’t already obvious)
But maybe it means something
Maybe it means I’m not really prepared
(Or maybe I’m not really here)
Or maybe there is no me
(I had it surgically removed)
Do we walk out unprepared?
Do we walk out not knowing what’s coming?
Do we walk out and say
“Show me what you’ve got!”
Oh.
That’s what’s coming
Didn’t expect that
I probably should have shaved today.
Between a job and a hard place: an ode to looking for work
"I didn't lose my job, I know exactly where it is. It's just someone else is doing it."
-- Bobcat Goldthwait (paraphrased)
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Job hunting is hard.
And depressing.
It's easy enough to dismiss automatic email rejections as nothing more than the algorithm, but rejections after phone/video interviews are harder to not take personally.
The algorithm isn't rejecting me, it's rejecting my resume
and application.
But when you speak in person or on video, they're rejecting me.
It's like, what did I do wrong? How could I have answered the questions better? What is it about me that they didn't like?
It can be really depressing.
Especially
when you know you can do the job.
when you know you have the skills and background.
when you know you get it.
Especially
when people you work with now know you could do it
when people you work with now know you have the skills and background
when people you work with now get it.
"it's the economy"
"it's the team"
"it's the competition"
"it's the compensation"
it's driving me crazy. (and I should be driving)
Now what do I do?
But,
as my mother-in-law always said,
"Darlin' this too shall pass".
Last minute is still not late,
But boy, is it stressful.
Journeys
Sleeping on the ferry as I head downtown
Dreaming of the glory when I lost my crown
Searching for the truth I used to find in your bed
Thinking I that I lost my youth and dreams I had
Watching all the lights dancing down in the water
Screaming at night it still might happen later
Wanting to sing out loud but everyone's deaf
Running from the crowd and I still got left
Wishing I could find life but the toy store's closed
Window shopping the samples left unsold
Wake Up
Wake up and dream, hear the voices in your head.
All you can see, are the seashells in your bed
The empty bottle, holds all your fears
Did you really think they'd, Split the angel's share
Wake up and dream, your escape is falling in
The whisky screams, and draws you to your sin
The reckless voice, whispers through your fears
Takes your hand, leads you through the angel’s share
Wake up and dream, deep will call to deep
Your voice is quiet, silenced by your sleep
The rocks cry out, take your place in there
The truth inside reflects the angel’s share
Wake up and dream, you know it soon will heal
The race is run, the finish line is real
Know your heart, walk through the curtain’s tear
Step in the holies, breathe the angel’s share
I need lunch
It’s spiraling out of control and I can feel it going down.
Where do I go from here? How do I get it back under control?
The days are blurring and I’m missing them.
I need to stop. I need to take a breath, but I can’t seem to get off. It’s moving too fast. There’s too much I have to provide. If I stop, it all goes to hell. Obligations get lost.
I don’t know how to scale it back.
Does anyone hear my softly broken heart?
All the symptoms, aren’t caused by the condition, they’re caused by the context. But no one understands that. No one seems to get it. I can’t change the context. I can’t stop it.
My head spins every which way except that way I need it to go.
Focus on one screen, the other pulls me away. I don’t want to be here, but where can I go? I don’t have the talents to make the change.
I’m trying to be faithful in the small things, but I just can’t keep track of them. “What little they have will be taken from them.” This scares me deeply. I’m trying to be faithful, but I keep running into this spinning and spiraling and it batters me and buffets me and I can’t keep track.
How do I catch my breath?
Can I just get a small glimpse? Just a hint of a smile, an encouragement, a hope. I need some talents. I need some hope, some help. I just gotta get that first step.
“The journey of a thousand miles starts with the first step.” That’s great, but I can’t even find the road.
I’ve got to pass the markers, but I can’t get this thing to stop spinning and start pointing in the right direction. Meanwhile, the markers are falling faster and faster. Go this way, go this way, go this way! But it won’t point in that direction.
Where’s the reset button? Can I get a do-over? Don’t they call it a Mulligan? (I’d like to learn golf, it seems peaceful.) How do I sign up for a restart?
The silence is killing me. I know the still, small voice speaks into the midst of the storm.
I want to answer, but I can’t frame the questions into anything meaningful. I don’t know how to put it into words and that’s supposed to be my job, my specialty.
Just get a grip!
Bouncing, twitching, tumbling, spinning, snapping, cracking, chaos!
Enough already!
I just want to lie down and ignore it all.
It’s so short a time, I don’t want to miss it, but how does it all balance? How does it all fit together? How does it all choreograph with each other? Winds of heaven, stuff of earth!
I want to be different. This is not who I am.
Open doors don’t always lead to the right place. How do I know which one to walk through? How do I share what’s in my brain and my heart? Who do I share what’s in my brain and my heart?
Fight the panic, breathe. Breathe deep the breath of God. Timing is everything.
It’s all about location, location, location. (Does it really matter whether it’s here or over the water? It’s still spinning.)
Don’t sweat the small stuff, ‘cause it’s the big things that can crush you. That which doesn’t kill us leaves us maimed and crippled.
I’m still looking for that future and that hope. When does it come clear? It’s all through a mirror, darkly, fogged over, and frozen.
Clarity please.
Clarity.
And peace.
I don't have to understand it, I just need to feel it.
I’m going to go get some lunch.
Sarah and Ella
Come, daughter dance with me
to Twinkle twinkle little star
Come play one more round with me
Of pinkie promise and cross my heart.
And no matter where your travels take you
Not matter where you may go
Remember this old man still loves you
and always come rolling home
Snippets - Pieces of songs unwritten
I walked to the riverside to hear Uncle John play,
but John took the last boat out of town
I looked around thinking I might stay
But left to follow him down
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Dorothy got to click her heels
three times and go home,
but no one knows where the wizard goes
As he floats away alone
_______________________________________________
Hiding in the fog along skyline boulevard
Thinking about that last game
Wishing I had the guts to have played that other card
But losing still the same
_________________________________________________________
Now I see her walking down the street
No one else around
Her head’s in the clouds
The traffic still making its way downtown
Still passing her by
She’ll never ask why
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Sleeping on the ferry as I head downtown
Dreaming of the glory when I lost my crown
Searching for the truth I used to find in your bed
Thinking I that I lost my youth and dreams I had
Watching all the lights dancing down in the water
Screaming at night it still might happen later
Wanting to sing out loud but everyone's deaf
Running from the crowd and I still got left
Wishing I could find life but the toy store's closed
Window shopping the samples left unsold
_________________________________________________________
The words in the frost are as transient as the minds broken apart
I tried to embrace her but she stabbed me with a shard from her broken heart