Prayer 101

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

Early in my journey of following Jesus, I was fortunate to have a mentor Named Phil Tortessi. Phil was an amazing guy and I learned a lot from hanging out with him. Among other things, he used to tell me that when I prayed for meals, I should bow my head and keep it close to my plate. I asked him, is that to show reverence when I was praying? He said no. It’s so the smell of your food will keep your prayer short.  That interaction began to shape my understanding of prayer. Phil was a guy who was confident in his relationship with God and understood reverence and understood when it was appropriate and when it really wasn’t necessary. Growing up, my understanding of God and prayer was very distorted. Being raised in a Catholic church, prayer was a formal, somber thing. Further, growing up in a French Catholic church when you didn’t speak a lick of French, meant that prayer (and God) was incomprehensible and confusing. So you can imagine that learning about prayer from a guy like Phil was a radical change.

I think there’s a lot of misunderstanding about prayer, rooted in deep tradition and liturgical history. Even in more protestant, non-liturgical churches, there are formulas and traditions around prayer. So with all this differing chaos and clashing ideas around prayer, it is worth it to take some time and peel back all the trappings and traditions and get to the basic question of prayer.

And that is: What is prayer?

Well, prayer is… (get ready for the BIG THEOLOGICAL TRUTH:

Talking to God.

Really? Yes. That’s all it really is. Simply talking to God. When you strip back all the traditions around phrasing and all the historical mumbo-jumbo and formulas, prayer is just communicating with the living, present God.

But this is GOD we’re talking about. We can’t just talk to God. What about reverence and respect and all that? Okay, what about it? You see, here’s the kicker. Many of those prayers are rooted in the idea that God is THE KING. And as THE KING, God is all powerful and distant. We don’t treat THE KING casually. He must be treated with the respect and honor he deserves as GOD OF THE UNIVERSE.

But there’s another aspect of God that we have to consider. You see, God is your friend. In John 15, Jesus is talking with the disciples about loving others and following Him and he tells them “You are my friends if you do what I command.” And then in the next verse he says “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you” So Jesus is saying if we follow Him, and listen to him, we are His friends. And this isn't just an isolated incident. In Exodus, God is leading His people out of Egypt and there was a pillar of clouds that represented God’s presence that went with them. Now, whenever Moses would hang out with God in the Tent of Meeting, this pillar of clouds, God's presence, would come down and God would speak with Moses. Exodus 33:11 says “So the LORD spoke to Moses face to face, as a man speaks to his friend.”  God considers us His friend.

So we are friends with God. But consider if we talked to our other friends the way we talk to God?  Picture the scene:

Bill and Ted walk up to Dave. Their heads are bowed as they approach Bill (very solemnly): "Oh Dave, thank you for your friendship. Today was a good day. Ted and I were at the store today and we found … Ted (interrupting and getting excited): You  should have seen it Dave, we found an original 1968 Fender amp with… Bill (interrupting): Ted! This is Dave we're talking to. Be more respectful!

Or:

Bill walks up to Dave Bill: Hi Dave, Thank you, Dave, for your friendship, Dave. I had a great day, Dave. I found, Dave, an original 1968 Fender, Dave, and it was so cool, Dave. Dear Dave, I would love to get it, Dave, but, Dave, I also think it's expensive, Dave.

Or:

Ted walks up to Dave Ted: Hi Dave, let me tell you about my day. But first let me get comfortable. (Ted lays down.) Well, Dave, I went to the store today and (Ted yawns) I found a really cool 196… (Ted falls asleep)

Yeah, seems kinda silly when we look at it like that. But if God is really our friend, we should be able to talk to Him like He's our friend. He wants to hear about our day. He wants to hear about what we get excited about. He wants to share in that.

But I haven't talked to God in a long time. Where do I start? I have a friend that I've known since we were children. One of my oldest and best friends. But Irving lives across the country from me, so we don't get to see each other very often. Plus, we both have jobs and families and things going on in our lives (although, admittedly, Irving's job is way cooler than mine.) But every now and then, I get an email from him, letting me know how he's doing, how his family is doing, and it's like the years and the distance just go away. We catch up and pick up right where we left off last time. Irving is a true friend. So is God. God is just waiting for you. He wants to pick right up where you last left off. Tell him about the small stuff. Tell him how your family or friends are doing. Tell him about the cool thing you saw today. He's part of it all. And your prayers don't have to be complex. One of the most profound prayers I've ever heard (or prayed) is simply "God, Help!"

There's a second aspect of our relationship with God that I want to look at when it comes to prayer: that God is our father. He’s our dad. We like to think of God as the King, and there's ample scripture and tradition to support that. And when one comes to speak with the King, there is a certain amount of respect and decorum that you must maintain. Speak properly, reverentially. Acknowledge their position.  But you know who doesn't? The child of the King. They can come into his presence with joy, confidence, and familiarity. They can duck the decorum and jump into their father's lap. I am a fan of the TV show "NCIS". There is one episode where one of the characters, who is Jewish, is looking for her father in the Synagogue. She walks into the building calling "Abba! Abba!" Now, we may think Abba is some fancy Hebrew word for father, but it's not. It's really just the familiar term, daddy. It's what a child calls out when they're looking for their dad. And he comes out of hiding and talks with his child.

So we can talk to God the way we talk to our dad (well, maybe not if you’re a teenager) but then again, God can take it. Children get mad at their parents. (Trust me, I have two daughters. I know.) We can tell God when we're angry. We can yell at God. And if you're not sure about that, just read Psalms. It's pretty much all David yelling at God and getting mad at God. And God is okay with that. He listens and then He comforts.

Next, we hear a lot about where we can pray. People say we have to have a “prayer closet”. Or you have to have a special, private place to pray and that we shouldn't pray in public.  But again, if God is our father, our friend, then why would we only talk to him in the closet? This whole idea comes from Matthew 6:6  that says

"But as for you, when you pray, go into your inner room, close your door, and pray to your Father who is in secret…"

But there’s two things that we need to under about this scripture:

First, this scripture is being used as an example in direct contrast to the previous verse where Jesus is condemning the public posturing of the Pharisees

“And when you pray, you are not to be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on the street corners so that they will be seen by people…”

He’s giving us the extreme polar opposite of what He hates. Public hypocrisy.

Second, this is not an ultimatum we are to apply to all situations. If we look at how Jesus modeled prayer, yes, there were times when He went off alone to pray in private, but there were also times He modeled public prayer as well. At the feeding of the 5000, as well as at the last supper, all four Gospels say that Jesus took the food and gave thanks (prayer). At the tomb of Lazarus, Jesus explicitly prays out loud, in public for the benefit of everyone around. And Lazarus was raised from the dead. And of course, the High Priestly Prayer in John is the most significant example of Jesus' public prayer. Throughout the Gospels we see examples of Jesus affirming and participating in public prayer. Remember, God is our friend, our father. We can talk to Him anywhere.

Finally, prayer isn’t really something we do. Prayer should be something we are. I want you to try something. Take a breath in and hold it.  Keep holding it. Keep going. Keep going. How long were you able to hold your breath? 30 seconds? 1 minute? 3 minutes? At some point it becomes impossible to keep going without breathing. Likewise, prayer should be something that is as inherent in us as breathing or eating. 1 Thessalonians 5:17 says to "Pray without ceasing." Ephesians 6:18 says "And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people." Romans 12:12 says "Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." and in Luke 18:1, it says "Now He was telling them a parable to show that at all times they ought to pray and not become discouraged."  Do we see a pattern here? I have been married for a rather long time. Imagine what kind of marriage I would have if my wife and I didn't constantly talk. Things would go cold pretty quick. The same is true of our relationship with God. There’s an excellent book from the 17th century called “The Practice of the Presence of God” and the entire premise of the book is that God's presence is constantly with us and we need to practice being aware of it. Brother Lawrence notes that

"… in order to form a habit of conversing with GOD continually, and referring all we do to Him; we must at first apply to Him with some diligence: but that after a little care we should find His love inwardly excite us to it without any difficulty."

Being in constant prayer is one of the ways we can do that. Realizing that He is with us means that He is always listening to us and ready to just talk.

Church history and tradition are wonderful things that can ground us and give context to our theology. It connects us to the church and the saints throughout the ages. However, sometimes we can lose the tree for the forest. As we noted at the beginning, prayer has been something that has been complicated throughout history and the basic truth of prayer has been obfuscated and buried under thousands of years of formality. But we can peel away that crust and get back to that one, simple truth. God is our friend, our father, and we can just talk to Him. And just like with Moses, He will come down and talk with us face to face, even as Bill talks to Ted.